Self-Help Books vs. Psychotherapy

Written by Jessica Israelstam, M.Ed., Registered Psychotherapist (Qualifying)

Edited by Dr. Silvina Galperin, C. Psych.

“What can therapy offer me that a self-help book can’t?”

With easy access to self-help books and workbooks for almost any problem and their promise of quick, attainable results, many people ask themselves, “What can psychotherapy offer me that a self-help book can’t?”

One stroll down the aisles at a bookstore reveals how self-help books have taken over the market with their attractive and promising titles: 

• 10 Ways to Fight Depression and Never Feel Sad Again
• The Ultimate Secret to Kicking Anxiety to the Curb
• How I Cured My Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder with Water
• Becoming the Buddha in Your Own Home
• How to Revamp Your Entire Personality So That Your Life Becomes a Magical Dream Completely Free of Stress and Problems

What is my answer to the question, self-help books or psychotherapy?

There are some excellent self-help books out there, and it’s incredible that you can learn to be your own therapist from a book in the comfort of your own home. While these resources can be great for nipping a problem in the bud, that isn’t always what happens – or what’s needed.

The knowledge and approaches of a psychotherapist can be squeezed into a book. However, there’s something a self-help book simply can’t offer that psychotherapy can, and it’s a vital component of positive change: the therapeutic relationship.

Years of research demonstrate that the encounter between a client and a psychotherapist is uniquely healing. In fact, some scholars proclaim that this relationship is what allows and promotes change.

According to the famous psychologist, Carl Rogers, there are Three Core Conditions of Change that your therapist brings to your appointments:

1. Empathic Understanding

Your therapist endeavours to understand your unique experiences – your thoughts, emotions, history, worldview, and hardships. Your therapist reflects this understanding back to you in a warm, compassionate way. They might even reflect back something of which you are unaware.

2. Unconditional Positive Regard

Your therapist brings true caring and non-judgement to you and your experiences. Your therapist accepts and values you completely, just as you are – even when you don’t.

3. Genuineness (or Congruence, if you like fancy words)

Your therapist “keeps it real.”  Your therapist is authentic with you, thereby showing themself to be trustworthy. In turn, you can feel safe to be yourself and open up.

These key conditions make you feel seen, heard, and held. In fact, they enable you to face your difficulties, knowing that someone is there to guide you and to catch you when you fall. When the pain in your heart feels like too much to carry alone, your therapist is there to help shoulder the burden and soothe your suffering.

Of course, psychotherapists are not magical, transcendent beings; they’re humans, just like you. They, too, are climbing the mountain of life with all of its rocky terrain. They have a unique vantage point, however: They can look over at you on your side of the mountain, point things out that you might not be able to see, and suggest alternative routes. (We thank Dr. Steven Hayes for this metaphor.)

So, you’re not doing anything wrong if your self-help books aren’t helping you, and you don’t need to totally makeover your personality to feel better (as enticing as that book title may be). What you might need is an empathic, understanding, genuine, real-life person to walk alongside you in this journey – and that’s what psychotherapy offers.

To book an appointment with Jessica Israelstam, click here.