“Hey, what would you like to order for tonight?
 – Whatever (distracted)
Okay never mind then. You don’t even care!
– (No response, audible sigh)”
Does this sound familiar?
We all long for connection and bonding. However, our emotions constantly impact our relationships. When there are patterns of behaviours that cause unhappiness, it may be hard to express our needs in a constructive way. Emotion-Focused Therapy looks at attachment and finds ways to improve how partners feel in their relationships.
What is Emotion Focused Couples Therapy?
The creator of Emotion Focused Couples Therapy is psychologist Dr. Sue Johnson. In a recent presentation, she highlighted how the type of attachment a person experiences in childhood impacts their adult relationships for better or worse. Attachment styles are the ways we bond and connect with our parents growing up. These styles are important because they are how we obtain security, safety, and comfort from our loved ones.
Growing up with a negative attachment style can lead to problems in adult relationships. For example, someone raised with an anxious attachment style may be clingy or struggle to trust their partner. In addition, a person with an avoidant attachment style may be too independent and suppress their feelings. Further, someone with a disorganized attachment style may struggle to emotionally connect and depend on their partner.
Nevertheless, there is hope. People who develop any of these attachment styles during infancy and childhood can cultivate a healthier attachment style with the help of Emotion Focused Couples Therapy. Specifically, by creating safety in the therapy session, partners learn how to emotionally regulate each other.
How Does Emotion Focused Couples Therapy Work?
In EFCT, the therapist observes how couples communicate with each other and ties this communication to the dynamics of their home life. Additionally, the therapist guides clients through bonding conversations and teaches them how to respond to their partners in a way that promotes a sense of protection, safety, and wellbeing. Your therapist may encourage you to look at your existing emotional problems. Through this process, they help uncover feelings you may not realize are negatively affecting your relationship. Furthermore, you will learn how to better express these emotions so you can connect with your partner in a more positive way. In doing so, you will develop a more secure bond and a healthier relationship.
EFCT is rooted in the present moment. It involves three stages:
- De-escalation: Reduce the negative cycle of communication and help the couple understand what is happening in their relationship. In this stage, clients learn that their problems lie within their emotions.
- Change: Learn how to communicate about problems more effectively. In this stage, clients learn how to discuss their needs in a more productive way.
- Consolidation: Guide the couple to see how they were able to change their negative communication patterns. This stage also involves teaching the couple how to continue positive changes in the future.
This type of therapy is usually short term, ranging between 8-20 sessions. It is effective at handling anger, fear, loss of trust, betrayal, and illness in a relationship. Moreover, it can help those struggling with depression and trauma due to their rocky relationships.
To learn more about healthy relationships, read our blog about: How to Break the Fight Cycles in Couple Relationships
Get in Touch
The couples therapists at CBT Psychology For Personal Development have training in EFCT and will be happy to help you and your partner better regulate your emotions and improve your relationship. If you are interested in EFCT and would like to see a therapist, and are a resident of Ontario, please call or text 905-597-4404 or fill out the form below and we will respond within 24 business hours.
