Interpersonal Trauma: 5 Steps to help yourself

Interpersonal Trauma

What is Interpersonal Trauma?

A traumatic experience is one that overwhelms our capacity to cope and function in our everyday lives. It may come from repeated experiences such as childhood abuse, neglect, intimate partner violence or sexual abuse. It is important to note, however, that it is not the event itself which creates the trauma; rather, it is how wounded we are by the event. Trauma comes from the Greek word meaning “wound”. Trauma may also arise from single incidents such as an accident, a crime, the death of a loved one or a natural disaster.

Interpersonal traumas involve events in which we have been hurt by other people. This may include strangers, acquaintances, friends or loved ones. Pain caused by others (especially if it is repeated over a period of time) can be significantly harder to overcome. Many factors influence how an individual responds to a situation, but the following are some commonly reported trauma responses:

• Cognitive (e.g., memory problems, difficulty concentrating, inability to express yourself, self-blame etc.)
• Emotional (e.g., anger, sadness, anxiety, shame, numbness, feeling overwhelmed etc.)
• Physical (e.g., fatigue, nausea, muscle tremors, hyperarousal etc.)
• Behavioural (e.g., avoidant behaviours, high-risk behaviours, sleep and appetite disturbances,
  difficulties in relationships etc.)
• Existential/Spiritual (e.g., despair about humanity, questioning safety, hopelessness, changes
  in your relationship to faith etc.)

Interpersonal Trauma treatment

What Can I Do If I Have Experienced Interpersonal Trauma?

First, know that you are not alone. It is normal to feel as though you have to bear this suffering on your own, or that you will be judged for how you feel. Having trauma reactions does not make you weak. It is a testament to how strong you are that you are still here (even on days that you don’t feel very strong).

Here are some steps you can take to help yourself:

1. Slow down
   – “Slow and steady wins the race” is very true when it comes to healing from trauma. It might be tempting to throw yourself forward so you can “forget about the past”, but trauma reactions inevitably breakthrough if not handled with care and compassion. Allow yourself to take breaks, step away and breathe.
2. Have self-compassion – Many trauma survivors often feel pressure to “get over it.” Be kind to yourself. When you notice a trauma reaction, remind yourself that it is normal to feel this way after what you’ve been through and that there is help so you don’t have to feel this way forever.
3. Take care of your physical needs – We often focus on emotionally feeling okay and neglect our physical well-being. Take the time to feed yourself something healthy, get some sleep, sit down, take a walk, take a hot shower…whatever allows your body to get some rest.
4. Seek support – Be around people who make you feel good. You don’t have to talk about what happened if you don’t want to. Simply being in the presence of someone who helps you feel safe and comfortable is enough.
5. Seek therapy – Today, we know significantly more about how trauma impacts our brains, bodies, emotions and relationships. Take the time to meet with a trauma therapist to develop an individualized recovery plan.

How Can Trauma Therapy Help Me?

Most effective trauma therapy follows the tri-phasic treatment model, inspired by Judith Herman in her ground-breaking book “Trauma and Recovery” (1992). This model takes survivors through 3 phases:

1. Safety & Stabilization – Focus is on understanding and managing trauma responses as well as developing safety and coping skills.
2. Remembrance/Mourning – You should focus more on lessening the intensity of the emotions associated with the trauma and work toward integrating the experiences into your life story. Sometimes referred to as the “processing phase”, this stage also involves mourning for what you have lost and finding new meaning in what has happened.
3. Reconnection – Focus is ongoing beyond the actual traumatic experiences to create a new sense of self and a new future, defined by choice, empowerment and healthy relationships.

At CBT Psychology for Personal Development, your therapist will work with you to determine which therapy is best suited to help you advance through these phases. This may include Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) Therapy, or a body-centred approach such as Sensorimotor Psychotherapy. Your therapist will serve as a guide to help you learn what works well for you.  They will also stand by you as you take the steps to mend your wounds.

“Courage doesn’t always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying ‘I will try again tomorrow’.”

― Mary Anne Radmacher

by Payal Bhole, Bsc. (Hons), MSW, RSW

To learn more about Trauma and PTSD see our article about Trauma Therapy

Free Trauma Treatment Consultation

If you have any questions about interpersonal trauma therapy, feel free to contact us at 905-597-4404 for a free 15-minute consultation, or fill out the form below and someone will contact you within 24 business hours.